by Amie Leadingham
As a Master Certified Relationship Coach, I dedicate myself to helping men and women around the world develop a better dating mindset as well as give them relationship building tools that will help them find, attract, and keep the partner they have always dreamed of.
There are many paths to finding that special someone, but as a coach, I don’t think there is anything more powerful than when a person gains Consciousness in the dating game… aka they become a Conscious Dater.
Webster’s defines Conscious as being “awake and able to understand what is happening around you.”
I like to say that you are simply “aware”. Some of you reading this may already feel you are aware, but saying you are aware does not mean that you are. You must live this awareness every day.
For most it takes work. And although when it comes to dating no two people have the exact same issues, there are certain patterns (signs if you will) that as a dating coach, I often see.
That is why I’d like to share the Top 5 Ways to Be a Conscious Dater.
1) Know you’re accountable for your actions
“There are no good guys out there.” “All the good guys are taken.” Do these sound like familiar phrases to you? Having accountability is something that is so important to success in dating, and in life in general.
This is when you realize that you and you alone make choices every day and those choices help shape your life. So when you choose to date a man who treats you badly, then it is not his fault he’s doing it. It’s yours. You are allowing him to do that and staying.
I like to say you teach people the way you want to be treated, and when you are accountable for your actions, you will never wonder why your life is a certain way, because you will understand that it is you who put you there.
2) You listen more than you speak
Listening is probably the most important skill in the world. I am not being overly dramatic when I write this.
My mother in law actually gave my husband some amazing advice when he was growing up that I can honestly say has shaped the way he lives his life.
If you want people to like you, just listen to them talk because people love to talk about themselves.
As a Conscious Dater you would pay attention to yourself and how much you listen as well as the talking and listening patterns of your potential partners. In the end this skill will not only draw you closer to the partner you want and deserve, but it will also help you weed out the ones you don’t.
3) You make choices out of want rather than fear
I think the fear of being alone could be the biggest motivator for so many singles to enter into and/or stay far too long in poor relationships.
I understand the fear, I had it myself when I was single, but I also understood that it is much better to be alone and happy, than in a relationship and miserable.
Understanding the fears that you have when it comes to dating and dealing with them head on will not only free you up from the constraints that “I’m single” puts on you, but it will do one other thing that draws in partners like flies to honey…it will make you a happier person.
4) You are Vulnerable
I am going to quote one of my personal development heroes BRENE BROWN “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” ― Brené Brown.
Now when it comes to dating, most singles may cringe at the thought of showing their date their true selves. Maybe you like to geek out and watch Big Bang Theory or you like to dress up as an anime character at Comicon.
Either way its key for singles to own and share their unique interests and identity. After all, this is what sets you apart from the rest. Traditionally, what most singles do is morph into what the other person likes, trying to get validation that they are worthy to date. I say cut that crap out!
In my Conscious Dating Programs, I show singles how to be the Chooser of the right relationship for them, instead of sitting around and waiting to be Chosen.
You’re probably wondering, how do I become a Chooser?
One of the first steps is to learn your values and what you require to make you happy in a relationship. Then show up, be vulnerable, and be seen (be authentic).
If you want children, don’t be ashamed of it. Tell the person what you really want, then stop and pay attention to how your date reacts. If he or she is judgmental or squirms at the thought, they just screened themselves out of your life. This only makes room for someone that will adore you for who you are. And look on the bright side; you just dodged a bullet of wasted time and energy!
5) Your actions match your words
So many daters out there pine away at the fact they are single, yet do very little to help their cause. Part of my job as a coach is to not only teach people to be the best self they can, but also to motivate them to make Conscious Choices so they can be skilled at screening and becoming a good dater.
I like to think of myself as a personal trainer for love. If you want to lose weight, but you don’t eat right and don’t exercise, what happens? You don’t lose weight, right? I feel that finding love requires similar goal setting and dedication.
You can’t just say you want to find someone; you have to actively do things like join one more dating site, go to Meetups where eligible partners might be, and make yourself available to meet someone anywhere at any time.
Love doesn’t search for you, you search for love and that means putting yourself in a position to succeed by doing, not by just talking about it.
If you’re interested in more of my dating tips and want to be part of my Conscious Dating Movement, I invite you to grab my free ebook here!